My mum and I had an uncharacteristic chat. “Uncharacteristic” because it was during the week when we typically see each other only in passing despite occupying the same house. That’s how it’s been for quite a number of years – she works two jobs and I’m feeding my ambitions.
She ranted to me about a situation at her day job that got her worked up and I listened with calm input. She also was upset that she had to do dishes that had been sitting days after she had cooked dinner, which I too felt was ridiculous with two other men in the house daily all day long.
The wonderful thing about that time I spent engaged with my mum was the value that I felt she entrusted to me in a way that I had carefully observed to be exclusive to my older sister. She expressed a range of emotions and I was listening every step of the way. In regards to the dishes, I was so tempted to play the feminist card and say: “What do you expect from men who just don’t think?” but opted against pushing my luck. My favorite thing these days is when my mum slips up and uses my sister’s nickname on me. I was just plain pleased she would talk to me like this.
…Or maybe I’m looking too deeply into something as general as conversation. I’ve always been very observant regarding my mum’s quirks, and moreso lately now that I’m actively expressing interest in the feminine things I felt I had to hide. This could just be another generic case of mum venting to me which, in our deliberate one-on-one time in the past, has occurred.
That possibility did not deter me from asking her if she would be willing to come with me to my therapist. I told her I wouldn’t be going again until I’ve accrued more funds from my job and handled my appointment for my complete physical, which basically aligns with the beginning of December. So no immediate rush. Great.
She said to let her know so she could ensure her availability, but I could sense her apprehension when I mentioned I’d also be done up. We have yet to do any out-and-about activity together while presenting female. This will be undeniably good for both of us to grow and to understand more of the “why” that may elude her. I’m excited to see my therapist again, but also know that I need to continue with her now that I can take advantage of my current temp job locale that now opens the potential of exploring next steps towards transition.
Grateful that my mum (and dad, kind of) is at least trying. Many aren’t so lucky to still have a roof over their head… I wonder would I ever be considered a “daughter”. There’s so much that needs to be worked on, internally & externally.