Why Are You Still Here?

According to Wordpress.com, I registered this subdomain NINE years ago. This kind of blows my mind. Nine years ago, I was a Sophomore college student majoring in Interactive Multimedia (Professional Writing / Digital Media) at the very beginning of my questioning days and just discovering the world of blogging. Before that, I was a LiveJournal user regurgitating garbage like everyone else. This blog has evolved many times over and people have come and gone. I wanted to take a moment to revisit MMem’s history and say thank you to those who, for some reason, keep coming back.

Meganekko Memoirs first began on Blogspot.com and I remember those early days well of clawing through shitty CSS code. WordPress was up-and-coming & due to the potential of wider visibility and cleaner presentation, I exported all of my entries to this subdomain “meganelove” that, at the time, fed directly into my anime obsession and fetish for kawaii girls with glasses. It wasn’t all weeaboo-driven though; I figured cute anime girls would be a good way to hook people into reading it. I was mostly wrong about that. Funny enough, it didn’t matter anyway.

As my entries became increasingly more explicit – believe me, it’s really dirty in the pre-2010 archives – I fell into a cycle of making specific entries private for my two friends to read, to making the whole blog private, to opening it up again. After many years, graduating, and being a working adult, I had no way of knowing who was or wasn’t reading and, after many years, still hadn’t established any solid goals for the blog itself. So rather than stressing myself out between trying to care and not caring at all about readership or content focus, I stopped caring completely and, after a while, stopped updating indefinitely.

My life started to drastically change in 2013 and little by little I returned, writing here again about gender dysphoria, sexuality, transgender questioning and the like – what all of my past entries had vaguely eluded to. After beginning my transition and gaining ground in my gender identity, I finally found a purpose for MMem to dedicate myself to sharing my story publicly through this blog. My pre-2010 archives are extremely private and revealing, but just as necessary in giving a referential backdrop to the internal machinations of a low-middle class, black, transgender female in America. My fully realized goal would be for researchers to find valuable, telling proof within this blog to further the validation and societal acceptance of transgender people. Maybe even write about me, if I don’t formally publish my own memoir first.

“If you don’t know now you know.” – Notorious BIG

So, to YOU, the Reader, who has been reading for years, decided to start reading recently, or left and then decided to read again once I started writing again…I humbly ask you: Why are you still here? 

Whatever the reason is, I want to sincerely thank you for being a part of what I’m now trying to build. Honestly, I still feel like I’m writing to no one in cyberspace, but I do know there are some of you out there stalking me under the radar. Occasionally validating me with a Like or, bless your heart, a COMMENT!…In all seriousness though, thank you. I need you. And I want to know you’re out there. I’d love to try ideas, make suggestions, and just be a lot more inclusive in what I offer up here. So, let’s give it a try…

I’m considering investing in an official domain name for this blog & moving forward with attempting to reach and educate as many people as I can about what it means to be black and transgender. However, there’s no point in taking any action if I don’t already have a reader base I can count on to join me on the adventure.

This is where you come in; minimal effort needed on your part.

If you’re still here and like what I do, please let me know you’re out there with a LIKE or COMMENT. By doing so, you’re letting me know you exist and that what I’m aiming to do isn’t falling on deaf ears. I don’t expect much, but I’m thankful either way to anyone who has read even one of my entries.


The Secret To My Evolution As A Creator

Ritsuko Akizuki by yuu fujimiya

When it comes to blogging, there may have been a time in my earlier days that consistency was actually something that mattered to me. A flow that allowed me to compose in a space with full clarity. To be honest, in loosely looking over my existence, the closest I likely ever came to that was in ranting over Live/DeadJournal about emo shit during my teens.

Lucky for me, I graduated from whining about how much life sucks to how deep the well of life and humanity truly goes. We all grow up, realizing that the “emo shit” we believed was making our entire world fall apart was nothing compared to the harsh realities of “adulting.” Those who were creators from a young age also find that the topics/themes/styles that once permeated their ideas also find they’ve become more cultivated and varied. Oftentimes, without ever realizing it until they’ve reached a level of confidence high enough to warrant looking back.

Since my text roleplaying days as a teenager, I have been a creator of sorts. A weaver of characters and, sometimes, worlds. A self-proclaimed wordsmith in my own right. This blog, in an attempt to remain relevant and active, has gone through countless evolutions over the years. Each iteration of myself claiming a fresh start or a more focused flow of consistent posts – always maintaining the “memoir” theme, but never quite pinning down a content methodology.

Well…beyond using pictures of cute 2D anime girls with glasses, that is.

As a creator, I wanted readership to matter. However, I had no clue and just tried different things in order to stay interesting. In most iterations, I didn’t give a fuck who read it. In fewer instances, this blog was private. Due to a lack of content methodology and floundering in why I blogged in the first place, Meganekko Memoirs has a LOT of shit posts in its archive which, in the spirit of this being a memoir blog, are still accessible today.

Sometime within the last year or so, I claimed Meganekko Memoirs was evolving again. Aiming to have a distinct focus on my personal transgender narrative while sharing insight and advice that may help encourage those struggling with their own transition. This was probably most fixed content methodology I’ve ever had, but that level of flow and consistency I spoke of earlier in this post and the beginning of this year still had not been established.

This troubled me greatly.

However, this post marks the first time in forever (if ever) that I’ve ever blogged three days in a row. What changed are the lenses I have been viewing my world through. Being knee-deep in Sales/Marketing drastically shifted my beliefs of having a stronger work ethic and the need to have clearer goals. I learned the hard lesson that I cannot blame outside factors for my own shortcomings. At the end of the day, I only have myself to blame for my lack of results.

I always believed I had been doing enough. However, the lack of consistency spoke for itself. So, upon exiting the sales world, I took an active approach and thought differently.

Rather than using the night hours to attempt to sum up the strength to compose as I once did, I now am capitalizing on the massive span of clarity I have always exhibited first thing in the morning. My best ideas have always come in my morning showers, but I was always too busy getting ready for work or exercising to ever act on those ideas. When I worked in the city, my best creative insights always was on the morning train. It just made sense to also offer up my morning energy to waking up earlier and taking an hour or so to make this blog relevant to my, and hopefully someone else’s existence.

I love the beauty and freedom found in weaving words and meaning together to enthrall a reader. Finally, I’m taking my goal to write more by the horns.

“Wearing glasses. Hiding secrets. Bearing truths.”

That was my tagline for a number of years. Though now, reaching this level of clarity of my own self in tandem with this blog, has guided me to a more fitting evolution.

“A [trans]formed existence through fresh lenses”

You’re welcome to join me.

Being Remarkable and the Reblog-osphere

Gatchaman Crowds – Rui Ninomiya

After I realized that no amount of coaxing was going to make me write about anything that I didn’t believe anyone would care to read, let alone anything I didn’t feel belonged in this space, I jumped to the WordPress Reader to see what other blogs I follow have been sharing. I immediately took notice of two things:
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