When this year started, I felt rejuvenated as most do when a new year begins. To be honest, I didn’t want to experience that feeling as I knew it would only be betrayed by my own laziness and neglect. That is not to say I don’t believe in myself. No, not by any means. I simply was aware that to charge head-first would likely get me through the first month, then propped upon a spike somewhere after.
Even still, I said to myself:
I want to write and be creative again. That was something I lost all of last year, for the most part. Now, I want to take it back.
However, anyone who knows how to set S.M.A.R.T goals understand that simply generalizing will get you nowhere fast. It’s now the end of January and I haven’t done much in the vein of writing more. To realize this so soon while most people simply give up the ghost is actually a good thing.
Now, it would be nice if I could somehow do more with this blog that would trigger me to set aside 45-60 minutes each day. The most relatively easy thing would be to simply free write. Truth be told, this entry itself is an experiment in free writing. Prompted by nothing but a self-realization with no real aim in mind.
Though, in a twist of irony, the aim of this entry revealed itself in a matter of moments of beginning to write. Sharing my desire to reclaim my creativity that I allowed to slip away in favor of grander pursuits that required a great deal of my time and energy. Now that one of the largest barriers restricting me access to my creativity is nearly torn down, I couldn’t help but feel as though I could breathe again.
There’s more that I want to do besides writing more – creativity abounds in various forms within me. However, proving that I am capable of weaving the English language relatively at will is first on my plate. As I am already expending creativity as a voice actress, it’s a matter of properly directing my energies toward dedicating myself to this task.
Rather than trying to recover what I’ve lost in January, I shall use the remaining days to attempt to condition myself gently until February to find that sweet spot that allows me to be the most creative. In the past, the night has been my confidant in that regard and, given that I’m writing this a bit after midnight, may still be.
As I am unsure of how to make use of this blog, I will, at the very least, show my conditioning in the form of blog posts. If I am unable to maintain myself for the week leading up to February, I will not consider myself a lost cause. Rather, I will simply assess and try a different approach.
I used to write a ton as a teenager, mostly during my glory days of text roleplaying. Those days ended after I realized my creativity was being squandered on tales that would never see the light of day. Though I’ve convinced myself that I could never return, perhaps I may attempt to recapture some of that ancient roleplaying spirit to add a fun element to tempering my creative soul again. If for no other reason than out of desperation to resuscitate that which came to me so naturally years back.
We shall see. For now, hopefully I’ll begin posting daily here, not fretting about errors or fluff as I usually do. Just…sharing my heart as I have become ever more adept at doing since HRT.