Talking to everyone and no one

pixiv-nacoll
Pixiv @ nacoll: Musashi – Kantai Collection

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop talking about my being transgender completely. It’s not the thought of me being ashamed of it that causes this question to rise to the surface. Rather, it’s the possibility that I may be sabotaging fresh relationships with those I’ve recently met.

Twitter is a great tool for interacting and engaging with others who share likened interest and brain share, but could my being trans give them cause for alarm? If so, there’s not much I can do about that. I’m so much more than that, but to those who may not want to understand, that may be the only excuse they need to disengage.

It’s not a horrible possibility for anyone in the LGBT community to experience countless losses – who needs those kinds of people in our lives anyway. However, there are those who choose to remain silent about their birth gender and simply hold themselves with regard for only themselves and no one else. Essentially, they are stealth – a matter I resigned myself of weeks ago. Still, the thought crosses my mind in a way that is as noticeable as oil, yet evaporates into the ether. I have said and lived too much already.

Being transgender isn’t something I can hide at this stage even though a part of me wishes I could. I don’t ever want to become an activist-like figure and I doubt I will ever be included in the so-called “trans community”. However, as proven by the innocently ignorant questions of my male childhood friend upon me coming out to him this evening, people need to know what being trans means in a fuller sense, not just as it is defined through my own journey.

If I shall be subjected to coming out repeatedly throughout 2014, I naturally will have a hard time staying silent about the struggles, deaths, and triumphs of others similar to me. Not out of LGBT pride, but desperation for justice, knowledge, and love to permeate the lives of people closest to me. Compared to the terrible stories of persecution others have experienced, I’m very aware of the bit of privilege I have and how quickly that can be stripped away from me as a girl/woman of color.

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