First Thanksgiving

thanksgivingren

Today is about to be my first Thanksgiving as “Ren“. There will be a majority of people who will be finding out my transgender status. This will be the first time I am blatantly coming out to a few people I know without any notice. It will either be a disaster or a success. Either way, a growth experience as I face the unknown yet again…

The flower top & black-creased slacks I’m wearing actually holds some significance. It was the first time my mum and I had gone shopping specifically for ladies clothing. At the time, she was thinking this was for a convention – it was, and the first time my con friends had seen me en femme. I wanted something business-casual in my then, and still even today, paltry collection of outfits. This may also be the first female outfit ever, but it is definitely my first semi-formal outfit and the first time I’m wearing it in an everyday setting.

Just asked my mum about the rest of the food. Mainly the turkey. So now she’s seen me and knows I’m serious. Revealing myself to her on a family holiday does have more weight to it than just Saturdays; I was still apprehensive until I opened the door.

Very glad I volunteered to help my mum prepare the food yesterday after I got home from work. My sister soon came around with wine that I asked if she could pick up. Things escalated as socializing among the people I live with – people I don’t socialize with often – became an enjoyable, extremely rare family experience as we worked together, chatted, and rotated on songs we liked. I learned a few more things about cooking and hopefully will retain most of it. Even though I was not presenting female, I was still able to express all of myself without the “smoke and mirrors” which I personally feel is an important mental thing I should acknowledge.

I won’t be going anywhere today, but a very full day ahead. The more I remember that this life transition is for no one else but me, the more I can push through and become more of who I believe I should be. I never truly accepted that I deserve to be happy with my self and what I see in the mirror until I took this step.

I want to think that as time passes, this will become something I am thankful I did despite everything I have to lose from it. In the future, may I look back with all I hope to have gained.

P.S. I am thankful to everyone who has supported my blog and my tumultuous journey to find myself. Though I do write for me, it’s always nice to know that people are actually finding some value in what I present publicly, as my accomplishments and shortcomings are very real to me. If they have been made real to you as well, drop me a like or comment some time so I know you’re out there.

Have a fantastic, memorable Thanksgiving. And please, do take a moment to remember (and perhaps take action for) those who are less fortunate and are suffering around the world. Especially those rebuilding their lives in the Philippines as we eat…

With love,
~* Ren’ai *~

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7 thoughts on “First Thanksgiving

  1. That’s a wonderful suggestion Ren, for us to take a moment to remember those less fortunate in our day of thanksgiving. I will say a prayer with my dad (here lending support b/c my mom was sent to hospital/rehab). I will be sending you light and blessing as well, that your day goes well. Hold a positive image in your mind of how things will go and think about all those who embrace you now, bound to impact your surroundings. Take good care (and hope you have fun too). 😉

    1. A positive image is all I can hold on to these days. It’s difficult, but I’ll surely continue to not be bound to anyone else’s feelings or perceptions about me. Hope it’ll be a fine day for me as well as for you. : )

  2. this too is my 1st Thanksgiving as Sara and unlike you I did not have any family to celebrate with because most of them don’t support my transitioning and the one’s that they are with ones that don’t so I have no one other than my roommate who too is transitioning as well. Glad that you have family that accept you for who you are truly. I wish I knew what that felt like. They tell me that I am going straight to hell for transitioning. Thank you for your lovely experience that you shared and congratulations on your journey. May our journeys go well and have much success not only during the holidays or even the New Year but through out it all.

    1. This sort of thing is very sad to hear, Sara. I won’t say that my family is exactly “accepting” in as much as they think I still am experimenting. Male pronouns are still used. They are trying, and maybe your family will need much longer to adjust than mine. I’m long past that stage and know this is what I need. In any case, I can understand your family saying those things since I come from a Christian background also. In the end, God loved us enough to give us our own lives, regardless of what awaits us in death. Today went as well as it could have, but the future is always the most uncertain. Wishing you the very best in your journey as well and finding the right “family” that will accept you for all that you are.

      Thank you so much for the comment, Sara.

      1. You are so very welcome too. Christianity has confused many those that are trans and they are so quick to jump and say that we are going straight to hell. Many trans have trouble finding a church to attend. Many churches claim to be LGBT friendly but sadly most are only LGB friendly. I am one the most lucky of most trans. Not only did I find one that is LGBT friendly but on my 1st visit to such a church. My church is committed to be a Safe, Open, and Affirming Church which warms my heart so very much especially with my dad being so cold. If you still want to go to church and I am not sure you do or how you feel but you should check gaychurch.org and look for the area you live in and start making phone calls and ask their viewpoint on trans and if they are truly an LGBT friendly church then I would give them a try and see what you like. No matter what is said you can be trans, and still a Christian. Heck you can still be Trans, Lesbian, and Christian like me of which I am or whatever variation in the LGBT spectrum. Remember we are trans sisters and I am always here for you and only a click away on here too…Have a blessed day…

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