Today is about to be my first Thanksgiving as “Ren“. There will be a majority of people who will be finding out my transgender status. This will be the first time I am blatantly coming out to a few people I know without any notice. It will either be a disaster or a success. Either way, a growth experience as I face the unknown yet again…
The flower top & black-creased slacks I’m wearing actually holds some significance. It was the first time my mum and I had gone shopping specifically for ladies clothing. At the time, she was thinking this was for a convention – it was, and the first time my con friends had seen me en femme. I wanted something business-casual in my then, and still even today, paltry collection of outfits. This may also be the first female outfit ever, but it is definitely my first semi-formal outfit and the first time I’m wearing it in an everyday setting.
Just asked my mum about the rest of the food. Mainly the turkey. So now she’s seen me and knows I’m serious. Revealing myself to her on a family holiday does have more weight to it than just Saturdays; I was still apprehensive until I opened the door.
Very glad I volunteered to help my mum prepare the food yesterday after I got home from work. My sister soon came around with wine that I asked if she could pick up. Things escalated as socializing among the people I live with – people I don’t socialize with often – became an enjoyable, extremely rare family experience as we worked together, chatted, and rotated on songs we liked. I learned a few more things about cooking and hopefully will retain most of it. Even though I was not presenting female, I was still able to express all of myself without the “smoke and mirrors” which I personally feel is an important mental thing I should acknowledge.
I won’t be going anywhere today, but a very full day ahead. The more I remember that this life transition is for no one else but me, the more I can push through and become more of who I believe I should be. I never truly accepted that I deserve to be happy with my self and what I see in the mirror until I took this step.
I want to think that as time passes, this will become something I am thankful I did despite everything I have to lose from it. In the future, may I look back with all I hope to have gained.
P.S. I am thankful to everyone who has supported my blog and my tumultuous journey to find myself. Though I do write for me, it’s always nice to know that people are actually finding some value in what I present publicly, as my accomplishments and shortcomings are very real to me. If they have been made real to you as well, drop me a like or comment some time so I know you’re out there.
Have a fantastic, memorable Thanksgiving. And please, do take a moment to remember (and perhaps take action for) those who are less fortunate and are suffering around the world. Especially those rebuilding their lives in the Philippines as we eat…
~* Ren’ai *~