…and then I woke up

renai_1003I had a dream that featured a transgender female named “Tony” who was being demoralized publicly by her own sister at an event they were both hosting separately through their own personal circles. Though she still went by her male alias, she was fair and pretty, wearing old-fashioned dress & hair to match. She was very much a sweet, demure woman. Her sister was very modern and classy in her dress and demeanor, giving her much charisma & sway over a predominately Southern, country crowd at this event.

I don’t remember exactly what the conflict was, but I was merely an unidentified observer for a while. The heartless slurs from her sister became so bad that I stepped in – my voice equally ambiguous – and defended Tony. That wasn’t enough, however to keep her from bearing the stares of onlookers any longer and she ran off. For some reason, my brother was going to go after her, but I found out where she might be. As I ran off to find her, I could hear my brother saying something along the lines of “I thought she looked good in the dress.” Typical.

I found her in a dimmed hall, almost foggy-like. I reached out to her, but before I could comfort her, my brother showed up. He was just a hindrance, detracting from the brevity of the hurt that had been inflicted on Tony. In the end, I was unable to help her and she ran off again. Before I could gain any traction, an unseen force held me back. All I could do was call after her in desperation…

…and then I woke up.

I raised my hand into the air, staring at it from all angles feeling strangely renewed. As if in that moment, I had gone through an inner (and outer) transformation to becoming more true to myself as a transgender female in my mind’s eye. My thinking was clear again. Despite my body not matching my mind, I was at home.

This has indeed happened in the past and may have been triggered in a similar fashion.

This damned rollercoaster I’ve been on since college…isn’t ever going to end if I stay this way, is it…?

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