You are [not] alone

renai_853

Seems I’ll be moving out on my own after all.

I had predicted long before now that it would be for the best to have my own space and not encroach on the romance of my artsy friend and his girlfriend (the blue-eyed beauty I used to talk about). I didn’t want to be in the way, or restrict them from having their own desires fulfilled. I told my friend how I felt and, of course, being the kind person he is, told me not to worry about it. That it would all work out and I don’t have to feel as though I am holding them back.

Fast forward to last night.

The same friend is now telling me that he believes things are taking a different turn. Basically, she has been longing for a space to call their own. This would translate into them moving in together, obviously. Now my artsy friend is clearly torn up about this and all I can do is make silly faces at him without flat-out saying “I told you so.”

He has always been extremely humble and accommodating regarding his newfound love. And me…I’ve been more than willing to listen and be understanding toward the ebb and flow of the spark between them that is growing into a wildfire. I just can’t deny this irony that it was me who suggested we all move in together. It was also me who said “I’ll find my own place on my own.” I know that this resolution will ultimately be for the best, but I hit a severe mood swing tonight related to this reality.

I don’t care if I’m alone in the end. I just wonder if I’ll ever be so fortunate in the game of love as he has.

Living on my own has many benefits. My own dishes. Silence whenever I desire. The option to have someone crash. I’ve never been one for romantic encounters…but yah – those also. So I’m looking forward to the transition and hoping I find something that suits my needs when the weather warms up. Being able to come and go as I please as Ren will be extremely liberating as I have never had such freedom before. It’s exciting, but also…saddening. I won’t be with my supportive friends, but the responsibility that comes with living my life that much more true to my self with reckless abandon is so much more than I could ever ask for.

No doubt this blog will be privy to these developing events.

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