Another day. Another crossdressing. Another guy asking me for my contact information.
So everything about the above is true. The last one is only partially true, in that today was just the first time I was ever asked. On top of that, today was also the first time multiple males openly identified me as female. To be perfectly honest, that didn’t change my attitude nor did it cause me to throw a party in my heart. It did make me satisfied that I was effectively “passing” without really giving it a second thought, but I simply acknowledged it with a smile and kept right on doing what I was doing.
On top of being asked for my email, it’s important that I mention that I was sitting with my female friend (the one who used to be “blue-eyed beauty”) when he asked me for my Facebook and email. Meaning, this younger guy found me more of a prospect than her, which, in itself, is quite flattering yet mind-blowing. Surprisingly, I was very calm about it, and and quickly parsed his request as “no way in hell am I giving you my FB info for obvious reasons” and “sure I will give you my most obscure email.” Fact is, he was nice to talk to for a while, but there was no spark that drew me to be into him if for some crazy reason he’s into me. Would I go on a date with him? Yah, why not? He’s not a bad looking guy and I wouldn’t mind just seeing how it would go despite me not being physically attracted to him.
Additional detail: My close friend also divulged that this guy was also calling me “her” and “she” when I wasn’t around.
There’s something about those simple words that does satisfy me and make me pleased that I chose to walk this path for myself. There’s also something to stuffing my bra, giving me a nice, subtle 34Bish size, that I am starting to believe is a bit of a game changer for me. To be recognized as a female just because I have visible breasts through my jacket and shirt does seem very superficial. On the other hand, for someone who feels that it’s important to walk the crossdressing path as closely as possible, having some size there makes me feel more confident and comfortable being me, despite initial excitement at the prospect.
To be honest, despite having been out and about in society once already as a female, I’m still very nervous during the days leading up to it. Mostly about the lengthy preparation it takes. It still requires me 3ish hours to do everything possible for me to be happy with my appearance and, of course, be as physically comfortable in all respects. Yes, it’s worth it, but I’d really like to be faster and just as effective. For someone who dresses not nearly as often as I’d like, I know that’s a tall order I’ll have to get over and work through in time.
Still look at myself after all the smoke and mirrors go away and find myself looking at someone who is me, and yet isn’t. More like, I see a very depressed, disillusioned person who is quickly getting tired of concealing the fact that there is a female who would be very happy to be acknowledged for who she is, not for who she represents. Moving out is the only way I will get the freedom I need to, at the very least, be able to bear my truest identity more and more as time waits for no one.
Extremely tired now.