Seems people keep coming across this blog now that it’s public. It’s also really funny to see my stats be small, then suddenly quadruple in one day, then drop back down. Pretty sure it’s going to bite me in the ass one day and the person who wants to bite my ass isn’t going to listen to me at all.
Whatever the fuck.
It’s been a decent week, won’t lie. I’ve had troubles at work, but it’s not like I’m not capable of dealing with fucking idiots. I’m grateful that I even have a job, but no one is perfect. Especially not me.
I’m very tired now that the week is over, but my weekend has only begun. A friend of mine is getting married and I was invited. My mum did me the favor of getting me a card to give to them. Then she asked me about a gift. I curtly said I didn’t even consider such a thing when, in truth, I did. I just figured that between my former close friend’s likely large family and friends and her husband’s current friends, they’d come up with more than enough to not mind me much.
Honestly, I’m glad that this who wedding hoopla didn’t hit me until today. I’m in my 20s and have been perpetually single amidst multiple broken relationships, while people that I’ve known since elementary school are getting married to their high school sweethearts. It’s frustrating and makes me feel inadequate. Attending the wedding wasn’t ever a question for me, but it’s the idea that my devoted lover has been my work for all of my adult life that is depressing to the point of feeling the sadness rise up in me.
Oh. And I’m going with my mum. Real classy.
I only have a vague idea of what I’m going to wear, but I should be fine. What matters is that I get to see my friend on their special day and hopefully mingle with some of their friends. Might find new opportunities if I’m social enough. ::cue canned audience laughter:: Yeah I know. I’m being extremely optimistic here, but I’ve always been someone set on the happiness of my friends. Hopefully this one won’t end before it’s even begun.
No real news on the crossdressing front. I did get a VERY useful link about how to dress full time when you don’t pass. It really all comes down to confidence, wearing what flatters, and having the right vocal tone. All these things are going to take time and effort.
Years of it.
I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I feel like I’m doing it all alone. I’ve been told by two friends that they’ll help me, but they don’t seem all that committed to my cause. I’m sure they are, but without anyone pushing me, this is something I can only push myself so far on…
Long story short: I’ll be crossdressing, makeup and all, with friends some time next year. It’ll be fun…but to me…it’s more than just “for fun.”