So I don’t have a job anymore. Half the 1st week of being jobless is over. I have plenty on my hands to do, but then Tsashi calls me. I’m caught completely off guard, and we wind up talking for an hour exactly.

Oh, but that’s not the half of it. After he tells me about his Sakura-con escapades with making “friends” and making out with a cute girl, which I found extremely somber for some odd reason (maybe it brings back memories of better days escaping reality and the hope of having a sweet chance meeting like that, knowing you’ll never see them again), we wind up telling each other that we have a Facebook account. We’ve known each other off and on for like 3-4 years strictly online/phone. I’ve seen a muddled pic of him in the past, but now I have access to clear pictures of him…and regrettably vice-versa.

He, like anyone else who hears me talk, thought I was as white as him. He was asking me for like two minutes if that was really me. All I could do was calmly answer, slightly embarrassed. And then he goes and says “but yeah, now you can look at pics of me all day! Just kidding~” Stupid me goes and says, “Not me but I’m sure there are people who do.” He then asks the obvious question: “Eh? Why?”. I say “Because you’re cute.”

Fuck my life.

Of course, he confirms what I said and I just agree without even flinching. That kind of spiraled into this mini joke about me not telling him that when he had no idea whether I was a guy or girl. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on. So why would I say something like that?”

Anyway, I have this stupid thought in my mind that if we ever met, I now have to either be damn good at crossdressing and makeup now that he knows what I look like, or just go as myself and be retarded around him. It’s fucking stupid how I have this reaction to only certain guys, but it can’t be helped. He’s an army guy that’s going to Afghanistan next week. He’s matured a lot, but whenever I talk to him, words just flow off my tongue and I don’t think too much. It’s nice to do that in front of a guy since I rarely am that coherent in front of them. I’m glad he still considers me a friend despite my gender conflict.

Ah well, I just wanted to write that Tsashi called me again out of the blue. We probably haven’t spoken since last summer, but that’s the usual for us. It’ll likely be another 6 months before we talk again, though he said he might call me next week before he deploys.

P.S. I’ve been fucking shitfaced ever since I got off the phone. And by “shitfaced” I mean I can’t think straight, and I’m in permanent sensitive girly mode. I guess that’s okay considering waking up in a total bitch mood after failing to sleep off a headache in 2 1/2 hours. No clue how in the world I was so pleasant to him.


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