Oh yes. Much to report while taking swigs of sake at 1:42AM when I have to wake up at 6:30.

Big news first.

Mother and I went out together on Saturday to do taxes FINALLY. I knew this would also be one of those rare spans of time that we get to really talk about serious things. Found out she will be getting surgery. I won’t say for what just in case this blog is discovered (or opened voluntarily). This is odd for me, since I’ve never been in a position where a family member is getting surgery, which ultimately puts me in the driver’s seat quite literally for transporting and such. This surgery will put her out of commission for at least 2 months. With my brother unable to help – or even know himself for that matter – and her crippled boyfriend, that leaves me. Of course, I’m happy to do this because despite having minimal “happy memories” of family, she’s still my mother who has taken care of me and given me a roof, even if I’m paying for a third of the roof, food, electric, internet, etc etc. I’ll have to do hospital visits, which is also new ground for me. I’ll do what I can though.

After we talked and ate at a shitty service diner – the food was great though – she took me to get new sneakers, which I desperately needed. Somehow, she also wound up getting me new shirts and jeans. Came out to a little over $110. I felt bad and told her I hope it didn’t hurt for her to use her credit card.

But that’s still not the best news.

When we started talking about makeup in the car, she seemed as though she had dropped all inhibitions and was completely willing to talk seriously about what she uses. And then later that day, she told me I could look through her lipstick collection in the bathroom and find shades I liked! I honestly had to contain my giddiness when she showed me her eye shadow shades and asked if I wanted my eyebrows plucked. I’ve become so expert at playing my usual straight-faced persona at home that I just answered naturally. But really, I was sooooo excited! I was even surprised at how excited I was!

I went through her lipstick yesterday and found 3 shades I love. Her eyeliner that she showed me felt almost natural to choose. I have a feeling I’m more of a darker, subdued shade of eye shadow, and I love them so much. Mother & I were supposed to start practice on Saturday, but I think we’ll be waiting until this coming one. I really want to make sure that my brother isn’t around for any of this and that her boyfriend is highly occupied. Not like he could just get up and walk over without making a scene anyway.

But holy shit I’m so fucking stoked about learning makeup now! Even moreso since my mother has gotten so chill about it to the point of asking me about my eyebrows! I was posing in front of the face mirror in the bathroom yesterday and it’s definitely clear that I’d look much cuter without my glasses. So I need to get myself new contacts before June and also that lovely wig. AND some actual clothes, stockings, and bra/panty equipment. I’m almost certain that the more I learn about makeup, the more comfortable I’ll be buying undergarments. Once I start, I don’t think I’ll want to stop, to be quite honest. And with my eyebrows plucked, I may actually stand a chance at passing. I just hope that my friends will support me and tell me the truth about how I look when I get some Before-After pics together. I’m strongly considering starting to post on DailyBooth every time I put on makeup and dress without giving away that I’m male. That would really prove how well I pass.

Because if I haven’t made this clear already, I don’t see the point in going this far, if I can’t actually look feminine. So I’m going to do my best and do all I can to bring about the illusion that I want to be seen as. I’m really tired of being seen as a male because it’s never done well for me. Especially with hanging out with girls all the time. In any case, I’m looking forward to getting started this weekend.

Oh, and hope that I can find work after this Friday. Being a voice actor is great and all, but I know I need to find new work. Preferably something full-time, which I was offered a few days ago, but now haven’t heard anything from them since. I’ll have to wait and see what happens, but I’m just hopeful about my future. Whatever happens happens; I hope my job agency can come through for me one way or another so I can continue moving forward to become an actor.

Heh…drinking a bit while writing this really helped speed up my thoughts without me having to think very much. Good night, and hopefully my hangover is minimal to nonexistent, hehe~

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