I honestly thought I was done with this bullshit. I serious thought I would never have to write here after I had finally found solace in the midst of such a fucked up situation. But you know…I still understand exactly what is going on and I am at peace about it.
Thing is, I still got frustrated. Over her not checking her e-mail or paying attention to her FB messages.
I’ve started this habit of writing out things I want to say, and then never releasing them into the public. I’ve probably done that with this blog like…twice or some shit.
Oh right. This blog is private now.
I fucking HATE that this blog is private now!
Anyway, the fact is that I’m now stressed to the point where I don’t want to deal with anyone right now. Not even her. I hope she decided one of these days to check her e-mail so she can receive the nice surprise I sent to her. No matter what I do, I always have to get in her face if I want her to do something that you would think is second nature. It’s not her fault. And I don’t judge her for it, because everyone has faults.
It just makes surprising her fucking difficult if I have to lead her to the destination. I leave her a FB message that she doesn’t notice even though she’s commenting elsewhere. I really don’t understand how someone could miss red a red box at the top of their screen telling them they have a message.
Whatever. I’ve been off my game this whole Thanksgiving break and now this shit. Still not as bad as I was before, but I’m so tempted to just disengage from everyone online for a week (on purpose this time) and just focus on me. The reason why is because I’ve become too focused on pleasing her again when she has no intention on reciprocating. I lost sight of my own intentions, so I need to get them back.
I wish it were that simple.
I love her.