#117: Roomy No More

I’m absolutely sick of living in the same space as my older brother. He’s been this deadbeat semi-leech for the longest time and now he’s inviting this old friend of his over like nearly every day of the week to play video games, spend money, eat the food that my mother probably helped buy for him, and drink Smirnoff. It’s not like they invade my space or anything, but I’m tired of having a brother who has ZERO fucking drive to do ANYTHING more than the base requirement.

How would you feel if you worked every day of your life, constantly pondering your next move and how to go about it the right way without anyone guiding you…and in the same apartment lived someone who literally only eats, sleeps, watches tv, has to be told to fucking clean up after themselves constantly, and plays video games for over 90% of a week’s span and perfectly content with working as a shopping mart bagger for a grand total of 12 hours a week? This is what I live with week after week. Now that I am slowly losing my web gig, I want nothing more than to just be alone so I can just have no concerns for anyone.

My brother and I don’t get on well, but I have made attempts to be nicer. They seem to be working, but that’s really not the point. The point is that I’m working like hell to get the fuck out of this apartment so I can get out on my own and he’s doing jack shit besides his measly part-time, lowly piece of shit job and going to choir rehearsal once or twice a week for a few hours. If I were in a better position financially, there is NO WAY he’d be able to afford living here and he’d be forced to live with my mother all over again. The guy is about to be fucking 30 and he lives like he doesn’t have a care in the world, squandering his pea-sized paycheck on take-out and pathetic excuses for alcoholic beverages. In the mean time, I fought to not have to move in with my mother and her boyfriend and now I’m barely able to make rent, let alone my loans and bills.

What the hell happened…? I haven’t given up on my dreams of making it above average status. Though I’m not as diluted with it as I was years ago, I wish someone in a high place would notice me, but that just doesn’t happen. I’m happy I have some connections, but I’m not satisfied with where I am. I never have been. Unlike my brother who would live this sub-par lifestyle forever if he could. I really don’t understand him at all and hate that I have to deal with sharing space with someone who can’t even come close to encouraging me to make it in life. I’d be better off alone with my cat who also bugs me because he’s so lazy.

I will become something more. The more I’m pressed against a wall, the more I show my strength. I won’t live this struggling roommate lifestyle forever. More and more though, I just want to be fucking left alone so I don’t wind up breaking down in tears at a completely inappropriate time.


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