#114: Shut Out

I’ve been feeling extremely disappointed in myself over the last week or so. I always seem like I’m working so hard on everything, but really I’m just barely making ends meet. I want to succeed and become someone great, but it gets so hard sometimes to make it on my own.

I am terribly behind on my deadlines, and I’m struggling to position myself to tackle a project that is beyond my scope of knowledge…and need to do so within the next few days. Everything is culminating into the remaining hours, and of course I’m the only one who gives two shits about it.

My friends know. Blue-eyed beauty knows. A few people I know online who bother to pay attention to me know. But I’m still so alone in all of this. I want to give up and just say that I can’t do it, but it’s never been in me to do that. Not during school or with stubborn people. I’m likely going to push myself to my limits, buying MONSTER, and get my brain and my body to do what I need to do. The end result will be a finished product with me completely strung out and not a love hug in sight.

I am so going to indulge this weekend…and totally live it up when this is all over. Funny thing is, after this weekend, something else could just be starting…and that’s a good thing.

By the way, I’ve removed this blog from being indexed by search engine bots. I rarely feel like updating anyway because I’m so occupied and only write when I’m at my wits end. So no one is going to care if I hide this from the world. I already am hiding to begin with.


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