#111: Don’t Count Your Eggs

So Easter. A day of Peeps, egg-laying bunnies, hunting for said eggs, preluding your Thanksgiving dinner skills (possibly getting out of hosting it), and maybe even some well deserved sleep.

So Easter. The day Jesus suffered and suffocated on the cross, bearing the sins of all, that they may come to know him as their Lord and Savior and have a bridge to God.

My Easter. Reading a neglected book, socializing and eating dinner with semi-family at a dinner gathering, and sampling some Spring anime series that caught my eye. Internet was also involved.

I missed the “blue-eyed beauty” in the midst of this day. She was away to support her sister who was in a competition. Since her and I are so alike, texting her was not on my agenda…until I started missing her. The realization of it blindsided me and I have no idea what to do other than to let her know that she was on my mind. At the same time, I feared that by doing so, I would be harming my chances to gain a favorable answer when I ask her out this coming weekend.

How the fuck is someone supposed to live with that kind of fear when they care for someone?

So I texted her, because she has no idea that I’m the kind of person who could go years without seeing family and not miss any of them at all. It’s just how I grew up. So when I miss anyone, it’s a big deal. Again, she does not know this, and it’s better if she doesn’t know this unless she becomes my lover.

Before that, a different kind of thought came into my mind while in the bathroom. I recalled that I had enjoyed an Easter dinner last Sunday with the “blue-eyed beauty”‘s family who are all Italian without facing any sort of deliberate discrimination. My next thought was that I was accepted among them, despite not being in a romantic relationship with her. The next thought was that hopefully one day, I can be in said requited relationship with someone, of whose family I won’t ever have to fear for the first time in my life without it being among the same race as my own.

One day, I won’t have to hide my true feelings and actions in the fear of freaking out the person I love. At least I’m not walking on eggshells. The text message could have been a fuck up, but at this point, it’s either going to happen or I won’t be enough…again.

So did you count your eggs today?

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