Sorry if my last entry makes no sense. I was very tired when I wrote it….Aaaand I just got a call from my boss telling me I don’t have to drive in tomorrow. Well that raises my spirits more than they were before.
I learned something about myself yesterday while spending time with the “blue-eyed beauty” at a Chinese/Japanese restaurant. The reason why I’m so vicious when I’m angry and hard to deal with (in general) is because I’m a Tiger on the Chinese zodiac. On top of that, on the Western zodiac, I’m a Leo. Go fuckin’ figure. I love cats and all, but I’m just a beast it seems…in a bad way. At least now I know why I’m so overambitious, masochistic, and perfectionist about everything. I’m always going for something that seems out of the ordinary or near impossible (overambitious), always waiting for the precise moment to strike (perfectionist), and will chase after someone who is a challenge to capture (masochistic).
Which brings me to the fact that darling “blue-eyed beauty” is a Rabbit on the Chinese zodiac and a Taurus on the Western zodiac. How fucking ironic can this relationship get?! Thing is, I’m starting to notice something changing in how we interact with each other. Her choice of words are different from what they were about a month ago, and her reasons for being around me are seemingly not so whatever anymore. I believe I’m starting to understand her patterns, or perhaps she is allowing me to get within range of who she is.
What’s worse? After deciding a month ago to back off and just be friends with her, I may have discovered the truth about how I perceive her. I’ve learned so much about her world – how she runs about as she works, the fierce look in her eyes as she trains or plays a fighting game, how adorable she is when she’s really into telling a story, and how docile she appears when I’m the only person in the room she can trust. With these new kinds of “hints” being dropped [that I usually only notice after the fact], my heart is telling me to move forward.
Backing off to understand where I stand emotionally and to simply learn of her in various elements may have been the best choice I could have made. In all honesty, I only wanted her at first because we had a lot in common. That seemed to be the most logical route. But now…she makes sense to me. She makes me happy. I can’t stop wondering what it would be like to hold someone like her. Her consistent beauty is only made that much more apparent in her passions, especially in martial arts. Most of all, she no longer “fears” me and takes interest in my lifestyle and both my worlds.
I’m a Tiger, so I want to do everything precisely and quickly. She’s a Rabbit, so she wants to do everything cautiously and slowly. As they say in martial arts: “Know your opponent. Know yourself.” I believe I have done just that through these three months.
By the end of April, I will have discovered if a Tiger can catch a Rabbit…Will I be enough to be accepted by her…?