#103: The Reminder

Whenever I see or experience a moment or a period in time that is so dazzling to the mind and heart, I become a different person. One who isn’t afraid of anything. Someone who is willing to die with purpose. A person who has lost all sense of what it means to be a human with limitations.

These are the times when I realize just how sad I truly am.

These are the times when I realize just how I alive I can be.

If I could live this way all the time, I would. The trade-off would be to not feel anything; to succeed in cutting off all emotional attachments and simply live for the purpose of making life worth living. I could smile, but never know happiness. I could laugh, but never know real joy. I could…witness death, but feel no remorse. What a life that would be. A life where only those who could be themselves around me could bear to exist along side of me.

I would be alone because I would never feel. To not feel is to experience the ultimate form of human separation. I wouldn’t have to be reminded of how much I long to be loved. There would be no conflict within me regarding who was a friend and who could be a lover. This would be true freedom. Others could depend on me, but I could never be dependent on another. Even now I wish I did not have to rely on anyone and simply fend for myself with no regrets. Then there would really be no room to feel.

The draw-back: I would have to burn bridges with everyone and never look back…or…well…the other, more painful option is obvious.

A lonely person could never do this. They would be paralyzed with fear with no way out. And so, as a human who feels, who thinks, who learns, and who lives, all I can do is be reminded of moments like these. For when I do, it is when I can fully be released.

– Ren’ai
~A rose is born a rose~

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