This is pretty fuckin’ funny…How long has it been since I’ve had the need to come around here again. Lots of people must think this place is just another piece of net junk. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m not nearly dead just yet. Just…dormant.
During my indefinite absence, I’ve been dealing with life fairly well. Not as plagued by the issues of my own sexuality, and feeling quite satisfied with the work I do and the people I’m around here and there. However, lately, I’ve been stressed. And no one likes stress. Let me divulge some things in the open.
It’ll be just like old times.
I’m still as single as when I left. Who gives a shit anymore though? Seriously. No point in crying over an impossibility when reality fucks you over every time, ne? ^_^
My writing has pretty much slowed down for now, or has been kept away from the net. I normally just keep a paper journal of my goings-on. My affinity with meganekko has not abated in the slightest though. Blogger’s Image Loader just still sucks ass even after over 2 months of me being inactive. Still love them with a passion, even if they don’t love me back.
I’ve been irritated at myself for my lack of exercising like I used to. And on top of that, I have been experiencing some detachment from people I care about. It truly upsets me when people just wander around, pretending as if everything is just as it used to be. People change and things change. However, I’m just dealing with the changes around me, and I don’t think I can handle it anymore. But I will, even if there is no one around to comfort me. And right now, there isn’t.
I constantly wish to go into seclusion. Even now. That’s why I came back here. The irony of it all. I told a friend of mine that I’m progressively reaching a point of where I just want to be away from all humans. Upon me saying this, she started to get up from her seat in the computer lab we were in. I had to flat-out say that I wasn’t being indirect. What the fuck? Can’t you just listen to me without thinking that I’m telling you to get away from me? If I want people away from me, they will definitely know it. People avoid me anyway, so it’s nothing new; I make my get-the-fuck-away aura quite noticable.
There is a girl of my tattered past who now, once again, misses me to the extent of her heart breaking. I should very well be ecstatic that someone misses me, or that I am missed to any extent. However, I’d rather be alone right now. I still talk to her occasionally though. She lives way too far away from me to care very much, and yet I still do. It’s always about some girl with me, but past experiences serve me well…and that makes me fuckin’ sick of these games people think they can play with my emotions. Who gives a fuck if she misses me? I’ve been scared by her in the past already when I went out of my way to visit her. This is quite literally a repeat of two years ago, except I’m at college at the moment of this indirect confession and Winter is coming. I’m not even going to think about it and just keep my guard up all the time. As fickle as humans are, that’s the safest way to go about living, especially when people who caused your past to be scared start telling you they “miss you” and “want you to come back soon.” ::rolls eyes::
I feel a little better now after putting that out. Being honest in a place where anyone who reads expects the real is liberating in a way. Shit…I hope I haven’t become LJ/MySpace-emofied in my time away. To anyone who has made past comments, sorry for not responding. I really don’t know when will be the next time I’ll write an entry here, but I’ll see how things play out for me.
If I die, you’ll know.
Shit, that sounded so emo! I swear my wrists are still intact! ^_^
// ::Meganekko-Tune Now Playing [ Snow Patrol – “Run” ]:: \\