Don’t quit your dayjob, sweetheart…

meganeko42For the first time in a while, I was really into my summer job. Taking care of business, running around doing things for my boss, etc., etc. Even got complimented and offered a higher range of responsibility by the president, which I obviously accepted. I even decided to work a little overtime because I was so in the zone. I even had a nice lunch with my megane-ko friend…whom I recently told about this place (gasp!). Make that two people who know who I really am. Anyway, today was great…until I fuckin’ got distracted.

As soon as I got off work, my mind went blank. All motivation to do anything flew out the window. My sweetheart has vanished. So, you know what I say to that? FUCK IT! I’ll just be fuckin’ single for the rest of my damn life. This happens every damn time I let my guard down, tell them like a little more of half of who I am (which is actually a lot), and tell them I like them. I finally find a nice, hard-working, cutely hyperactive woman who likes me despite me being this effeminate mess of lover, bitch, and moan – she liked it when I moaned for her – and what happens? POOF! Gone! She’ll probably be back or some crap happened on her end, but not even a fuckin’ phone call? What the fuck?! ‘I won’t disappear on you,’ she said. Guess what, love? You fuckin’ did. ‘I’ll keep waiting for you,’ I said. I’m waiting…and waiting…In the past, I’ve even received an e-mail or IM or something from her best friend who knows of me. 10 days pass. Nothing. Zip. So, fuck waiting anymore. Chances are, the girl that notably vanished from my life was the one I was meant for anyway. Thanks to Angel Sanctuary, I’ve been wanting her back…but that’s impossible.

I really am a bitch aren’t I? I’ll just work my ass off like I used to and not worry about caring about anyone but my two best friends. Girls will come up to me, trying to find out if I’m who they think I am, but since they’ll never get close to me anyway because of my get-the-fuck-away-from-me aura, they won’t ever find out. I’ve been told many times that I’m very hard to read. Damn right I am! I’m not even trying to be confusing. I just am. Emotionally spontaneous. Misunderstood.

The moment you get close to my heart, is the moment you understand how clingy I really can be. Other than that, you’ll only see what you get, which is jack-shit. Maybe I should go for bad girls…oh wait. I already am one. We’d probably kill each other. I’ll just stick with money-making masochism. At least that can’t hurt me.

// ::Meganekko-Tune Now Playing [ Coldplay – Parachutes – “We Never Change” ]:: \\

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7 thoughts on “Don’t quit your dayjob, sweetheart…

  1. I love ‘We Never Change’. I don’t feel like I’m in a position to comment on your being single – I’ve been single all my sixteen years and I don’t see a problem with it so far.

    Yeah. I’ve been trying to guess whether you’re a guy or girl – PLEASE DON’T BE OFFENDED – since the blog began. I still don’t know what to think. I think I’ll just leave it at that.

    I wish I had a summer job, but I’m taking classes and they’re already intensive enough.

  2. It’s weird with you, Ren’Ai.
    On one hand you long for independence from and acceptance by other people, but on the other hand you let your life be dictated by your feelings and someone who seems not care much for you.
    One wihng i learned about most girls and guys is that most guys are just hormone driven chihuahuas, trying to get a ride between the legs and only getting to ride legs and that most girls are fickle, attention-sick make-up freak-shows enticing and rejecting guy after guy, ending up with the most dumb, machoistic, egotistic, arsehole that’s still single in the neighbourhood.
    Even meganekko are in many cases just fickle and shallow creatures with glasses, pertaining nothing of the promise of intelligence or intellect that showed on the surface.
    Just leave this meganekko you’re chasing and chase your other dreams.

    I also guessed about your gender, but now i know… 8) and it makes sense now… 8D

  3. Today i met a really lovely chinese meganekko who’s gonna work here starting from september and boy she’s cute and quite hot.
    I hope to make something work out between her and me.
    She also seemed to like me at first sight.

  4. Daniel, I’d rather keep myself from getting upset over being single, but it’s the principle that every time I find someone nice, they disappear. It’s heartbreaking for me, so I just get angry until I’m able to vent it all out and, to be blunt, not give a shit anymore. You’re a patient guy, which is a good quality to have.

    I’m not offended really. It’s only natural that you and Barachem have been guessing (though Barachem seems to know for sure *blinks*). As for “letting my life be dictated by others’ actions,” I’d say that “dictated” is too strong of a word. “Bothered” or “shaken” would be better terms. I’m good at bouncing back, so just because I want independence doesn’t mean that I’m not warranted my huge mood swings.

    Congrats with you finding a nice meganekko, Barachem. It’s been 12 days, so I hope in that time things have gone wonderfully between you two ^_^

  5. Oh, she was just here for several days, since that meet i haven’t seen her, since she went back to China, i guess i’ll be seeing her again in September.
    And still, as a cyhristian i’m looking for a christian and most likely this young woman is no christian.

    About being single and seeing nice meganekko dissappear…
    There was a nice blonde meganekko sometimes coming to the church i go to and after i spoke to her because i was interested in her while just trying to be friendly, she just never appeared again for some months now.
    That sucks!!!

    I hate it that nearly every interesting meganekko is already with someone or not where i am, suck suck suck again!

    But hey, i cleaned up my room, lost my too long hair and beard for some months now, so i think i will have a chance with a nice christian meganekko and i hope that’ll be when i hopefully will be working in Japan in about 3 years from now.
    I hope the damage i got from so many negative reactions from meganekko will heal and i’ll become much more optimistic again like i was as a young child.

    Anyway, on to the next reply.

  6. Sounds like me, except my troubles still lie more in the cyber world than face to face. No one seems to be interested in me, even though I’m not horrible looking. Above average body…errr…interesting personality. Yeah! Aside from the fact that I only smile when I’m genuinely happy, who wouldn’t want me??? (I had to fish for good things to say about myself XD)

    Well, best to ya in finding a nice Christian girl. I’ve had it with online girls. Really. Even my cute megane-ko friend had high hopes for me. Ah well, haha.

  7. Only online troubles?
    Reasonably looking?
    Interesting personality?

    First one doesn’t apply to me, the rest is the same for me.
    Well, i’ll have more hopes then.
    While i do have some serious personality problems, really, i mean it, read that reply i made with the whole comment about my melancholic weirdness, that’s only one of the things.
    But apart from that, having problems with things going against my will for too long too far, having urges of sudden lust from time to time[giving in to them too much] and complaining about many things for too long, i’ve got quite a sunny personality.

    But yeah, i’m not an ass-hole or a total wuss, so women avoid me, it’s as if i’ve got a virus that makes women who love me suffer or something and women sense that and i don’t.
    Frustrating.
    I’m considering next time i feel this weird tension with meganekko again to tell her that i’ve got a really painful disease that only targets women who love me.
    That’ll seperate the grains from the chaff.
    Especially with fellow christians, somehow christians can be even nastier towards each other than non-christians especially in matters of relationships and love.
    I don’t get why…

    Anyway, see ya next reply.

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