Ren’Ai Rant :: water-logged ::

meganeko36I have reached a point where I have no drive to do any sort of writing. This is not particularly the best situation when most of what I do for college is writing.

Writing.
Writing.
Writing.

Fuck these people who give me deadlines to write! Fuck those people who make me not want to write for anyone anymore! Treating me like I’m some kind of machine who can keep pushing out dialogue for a storyline that I created whenever I damn well please. I’m frustrated… – my sweetheart who had disappeared as recently apologized to me every night, for a week, because she “wouldn’t know what to do if she lost me…” and this entire fuckin’ week has been a damned overcast. It’s raining right now! I can’t stand not having the right ambience to properly apply myself, but this entire week has been a complete wreck for me, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Figures my choice in music and my desktop image speak volumes of my rampant irritability right now. Straylight Run is a wonderful band…and this is saying a lot, since I don’t follow American bands as much as I used to back in my high school days…

I honestly just want to lay in my bed and not wake up for a while…but that would be succumbing to life. Running in the rain while spastically swearing at it would be great, if I wasn’t so susceptible to fever/stress headaches. Maybe my friend is available to play some DDR…then I can kill their pads, swear to my heart’s content because I suck so much, and drench myself in my own fetid sweat. That would give me an excuse to sit in the shower for an hour, maybe shed a pound or two, and possibly trigger something in my psyche that will get me out of this psychological rut.

Fuck. I need a hug…and space…and real affection in that order. If only the sun would pierce the smog of every day…

// ::Meganekko-Tune Now Playing [ Straylight Run – “Existentialism On Prom Night” ]:: \\

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5 thoughts on “Ren’Ai Rant :: water-logged ::

  1. Welcome to the kind of rut i had for several years now.
    Different reasons than yours, but still a standstill of some sorts while progressing in real life.
    Hugs don’t help me anymore, but i’m getting out of it, yeah.
    I hope this passes over for you soon enough.
    It’s bad enough to have for days or weeks, but years is a life-changing experience, making one more pessimistic and realistic than ever before.

    Thank God for j-beat, that stuff almost lifts me up instantly. 😉
    Get out of it soon.

  2. Hugs don’t generally do it for me, but it’s the need to have something alive to squeeze that draws me to them the most.

    Though I don’t know your reasons for being in a rut for so long, I know I have to push myself out of them or I’ll never get out. I will be attempting this forceful action, which will surely affect the quality of my writing. However, with my deadline running short and other assignments due, I really don’t care.

    The sun is shining today, I exercised, went for a walk, and had a healthy breakfast. I am much better than I was yesterday -^^- Music does help, but a physical renewal I prefer over an emotional renewal. Since I am obsessed with keeping physically fit, my emotional state improves when that rises. I hope you can find your physical renewal as well.

  3. TOUCHE.

    I’m feeling like that. My blog isn’t making sense of late, and I don’t feel as compelled to blog as I did last year.

    I’m writing for the school paper, as you know, so that makes me HAVE to write my article by the assigned deadline.

    College life is hard – take heart. How many people actually even CARE to have a blog in the first place? People should have respect for the time bloggers invest in their blogs.

    I think I suck too. yay.

  4. As a blogger, I suck worse. I have a more narrowed focus of content, which is increasingly difficult to produce, since I am not synchronized with Japan. Your blogging seems to be about your misadventures of coming to realizations of yourself. So, if you do not make sense, that appears to be encouraged – I do not mean that in a foul manner.

    I do value my blog and the effort I put in, just as you do, regardless of how pessimistic we are individually. The problem is, we both value writing that we have responsibilities that surpass that of the value and timeliness of our blogging. Choices poeple make are doomed to conflict with the many things they hold dear, it seems.

    Thank you for your comments, Barachem & Daniel. I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone in the blogosphere.

  5. Uh, i don’t why blogging is seen as an explicit artform by you two, but as far as i’m concerned blogging is just keeping a public diary in which other people can write too.
    So in my blogging life on livejournal i blog seldomly and randomly, just like i like it.
    Maybe i’d like to blog more, i’ll see.

    Thanks for the advice, but just physical exersize isn’t gonna help very much.
    But i must admit that i’m over the most of the rut.

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