Stop Fucking With Me Already…!

Elfriede - from Tsukiyomi Moon PhaseTo those who read this dirty ol’ thing, sorry for being much too busy to blog these past two days. I’ve been extremely busy with matters outside of the blogosphere – busy in more ways than one ^ ~, but seriously…XD So, I humbly ask that you continue to visit and enjoy my bland, sarcasm-filled, angsty-lined entries…and just maybe leave a comment or two. The only reason why I apologize is because I have a feeling there are actually maybe 2 or 3 readers who like my blog. Tacking onto the fact that after blogging once every day this past week, I recieved 20 unique visitors to this blog on just Thursday alone.

And then I wasn’t able to do so this weekend. My bit of blogger glee went to hell as my hits then dropped somewhere between the infinite gap of 0 & 1. Che! Damn fickle visitors. And I only say that because I appreciate anyone who takes time out of their life to come read what I have to say. On the other hand, I then have to take into account such statistics as what I presented in my previous entry and come to the realization that only like 2 or 3 readers actually read my stuff. ::sighs:: Whatever though. As I’ve said before, I don’t write for anyone’s entertainment. I write because I enjoy writing and believe that there is an audience somewhere in the ether of the Internet that will appreciate my overt, outlandish approach to the issues that I blog on, personal or not.

Enough of that though. I’m on a time schedule here anyway.

I can’t stress enough how horrible it is to be absolutely petrified of speaking to someone for fear that you will pluck the wrong string and set them ablaze with rage. Every time I am spoken to by her, I can’t help but want to run as far away from her as possible. She has completely and utterly brought me to a point of complete submission, as I can never properly articulate myself around her in a way that she can understand. I literally become overwhelmed with grief when I come around her; I have no idea what to expect, as I am forever on thin ice for shit that I wish to forever rid from my memory. I just want to tell her how I feel in the most kindest, gentliest fashion I know how, as my vast history with her compells me to be her friend. She has become such a vehement issue of my own sanity that I want to remain her friend, and in the same action leave the country just so I can be as distant from her as possible; so she will never have to see my face again; so I won’t ever have to feel like the “little bitch” that always bends to her aura of stubborn, self-seeking anger. She used to be one of the best friends I had…and then she turned her back on me so arbitrarily that my emotions have tangled and crossed…I’ve cried so many times because of her.

Fuck! I need her…I feel like dying when I’m with her, just so I can end my suffering.

Time’s up for me. Going to be late…again.

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