Hurhur! It’s so liberating to amuse myself at my own expense.
Apparently, the amount of nonexistent seconds that visitors stay on my blog completely consumes all the users who actually stay more than 5 seconds and above. I never knew that anyone could stay on a site for less than 5 seconds before.
Seriously, that’s news to me. Maybe I should start bragging that my blog has the ability to scare off visitors in less than 5 seconds. Not the greatest blog reputation to have, but if that’s all I have to work with…I’ll do it!
What? Do it for myself, you ask? No no no! You thought you had me all figured out, didn’t you, you overestimating, ignorant peon you! But alas…you are still one step behind my pious ways. On the contrary, I shall do it for my adoring, devoted fans! All 83.3% of them! <3<3<3 I can surely count on them to keep that glutton of a Pacman chomping down on the rest of the visitors who stay for 20 seconds to an hour. I shall be a fuckin’ trendsetter; that no blog can compare to my legendary aura of stirring such fear and trembling into my visitors that they can only withstand its clutches for no more than a mere 5 SECONDS OR LESS!!!!111111 MUWAHAHAHA!
Okay. Remind me never to combine three hours of sleep with leftover sweets when made available…@_@