My Megane-ko

I love girls with glasses. “Megane” means glasses in Japanese, if you didn’t know. They have this certain repressable air about them that seems to scream “Take me now, and let me show you who I truly am.” I have always wanted to be with a girl like that. In fact, I have a crush on one that won’t die. We are separated from one another, but that does not stop me from making every possible advance on her that I can. We are best friends – she is the only female that I can trust with my secrets – and have known each other for a little over two years. She’s plain, devotes her life and work to karate, now that she has graduated high school, and her chest has grown a bit since I have known her. My guy friend and I both noticed that change, as did a few others who had been watching her as closely as I was when I was in high school with her.

Yes, I watched her day after day; too shy to get her attention, or just to say hi. What did I have to be afraid of though? I was a Senior and she was a Sophomore. We were the same age, since I have been the youngest in my grade since 3rd grade – no, I am NOT smart, just capable and determined; so don’t say it; I get that all the time. She was cute back then, and even today…she is just as cute. A bit on the immature side, but still cute…and 18. She supresses her emotions alot…especially since I know she likes me back. I always blush when I hug her, but we never hug long enough to look each other in the eye afterward. Before I left for college again, I hugged her tighter and longer than what I usually do, but I felt her pulling away. She offered her cheek to be kissed for a split-second…

…but I hesitated because my guy friend was there also. What a fool I am. He knows I am a particularly queer being, so it wouldn’t have made a difference. I care about him and her as my friend. What does it matter if I have feelings for my best friend who probably wants to kiss my cheek back – she has before, don’t get me wrong – but intently resists it just because she isn’t ready to have a relationship with anyone? My housemates don’t understand it either, but…I think about her so much.

While I am working out, doing an assignment, about to lay in my bed <3, even right now. She is such a timid, fun-loving girl who takes insects that are inside and puts them outside, but speaks with the gruffness of a male, ready to kick anyone’s ass. I dream of that kind of girl. No. I would be happy with her, despite how she waited so long just to tell me no just this past summer.

This megane-ko (glasses-wearing girl) has gone through a dysfunctional online relationship. However so have I. Both of ours have ended, and thankfully so. Even if it does wind up being the same as being best friends…at least putting my arm around her, leaning in close to her faintly freckled cheek, and kissing her with authentic gentleness would not be so awkward. I have never done that to anyone before…

There is someone for me, but I would be alright with her being the first.


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